I feel so alone.  alone.  alone.  

I mean I have friends.  Best friends.  And yea I can talk to them, but can they actually get it? What can you do if you feel like you lost the ability to meaningfully connect with anyone beyond a superficial surface?  I would love to stay up late, talking to my best friend, spilling out my soul.  But I don’t even think I am capable of that.  I have worked so hard to not be able to feel that I can’t anymore.  Numbing everything with weed and alcohol can only get you so far before everything comes crashing down, and you need to decide what kind of man you are going to be.  Are you going to be another kid wasting potential? Can I give away my potential to someone who can actually use it? To someone who cares, who feels, who lives.  

What do you do in life when all you want is to feel, to scream, to run, and you’re just numb? This is one of the most defining moments in my life right now, my MCAT is coming up, time to start looking to the rest of my life.  And I’m scared.  and overwhelmed.  and right now, Im ready to give up.  Is ending up with a successful job worth the misery that accompanies you along the way? Do I actually care about anything I’m studying? Would I even want to be a doctor if they didn’t make any money? Is that question even relevant? I’ve worked so hard to create an image of success that I never stopped to ask myself what success really is?  Is the most successful person the one who makes the most money, or is he the one that wakes up looking forward to living each and every day? 

start with 100% then subtract 1% for everything you’ve done.

1. Smoked.
2. Drank alcohol
3. Cried when someone died.
4. Been drunk.
5. Had sex.
6. Been to a concert.
7. gotten/given a handjob.
8. gotten/given a blowjob.
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
10.Verbally/sexully harassed somebody.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 92



11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfrend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or receieved a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 84

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sexs house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done drugs.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 76

31. Played strip poker/darts.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.                                                                                                      
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40. Been in love.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 69

41. French kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR:  61


51. Watched a person die
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someones room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 53

61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a party.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 46

 71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friends crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 43


81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought youd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over or 3 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 38

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped

Total: 32